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Visit nearing's column >>

NEARING

Thoughts Create. Do The Right Thing.
Articles Posted: 51  Links Seeded: 3639
Member Since: 6/2007  Last Seen: 5/03/2012

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Couples should consider sleeping apart for the good of their health and relationship

Seeded on Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:14 PM EST
Read ArticleArticle Source: BBC News
health, relationship, sleep
Seeded by nearing
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One study found that, on average, couples suffered 50% more sleep disturbances if they shared a bed.

...the modern tradition of the marital bed only began with the industrial revolution, when people moving to overcrowded towns and cities found themselves short of living space.

Before the Victorian era it was not uncommon for married couples to sleep apart. In ancient Rome, the marital bed was a place for sexual congress but not for sleeping.

If you've been sleeping together and you both sleep perfectly well, then don't change, but don't be afraid to do something different.

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  • nearing's Column, All of Newsvine
  • Groups: Femvine, Open Minded, Psych, Soc, Philos, SexVine, Sociology
  • Regions: none
  • Public Discussion (39)
nearing

"We all know what it's like to have a cuddle and then say 'I'm going to sleep now' and go to the opposite side of the bed. So why not just toddle off down the landing?"

I have never enjoyed sharing a bed with another. I like to spread out and toss and turn a lot. I wake up refreshed that way.

A cuddler I am not.

Yes, it has disappointed more than a few men in my life. They want to cling to a woman all night. Yuck.

  • 5 votes
Reply#1 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:18 PM EST
Keep.Cool.My.Babies

I know exactly what you mean. I am a massive tosser and/or turner whilst I sleep and have had to make adjustments since moving in with my boyfriend. We do the thing where we cuddle at first until he falls asleep then I wait for him to reposition himself just enough so that I can get comfortable and get to sleep myself. Then there is the inevitable cover-hogging (I keep a blanket on the floor next to my side of the bed any more). Sharing your bed with someone takes more than a fair amount of patience, to be sure. As cheesy and icky as it is, however, I still love it and now find it hard to fall asleep without him next to me. Ick.

But, if the days of separate beds, a la Lucy & Ricky, made a comeback I could be on board.

  • 4 votes
#1.1 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:33 PM EST
nearing

But, if the days of separate beds, a la Lucy & Ricky, made a comeback I could be on board.

You and me, both.

As a matte of fact, I recall that is how my grandparents slept. Hmm.

  • 3 votes
#1.2 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:47 PM EST
Florida_kes

As cheesy and icky as it is

Huh? WTF? It sounds like there are other issues involved here than just tossing and turning.

  • 1 vote
#1.3 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:19 AM EST
goldminor

A king size bed can solve this for some couples. I like my stretch space, too. Except now my only competition for space is the cat. Welcome back Nearing.

  • 3 votes
#1.4 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:39 PM EST
douglasq

In ancient Rome, the marital bed was a place for sexual congress but not for sleeping.

So now we are talking 3 separate bedrooms?

  • 5 votes
#1.5 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:50 PM EST
nearing

hey goldminor!

I have a King and I still want it to myself (but I do share it with a cat and sometimes a dog too, dog is gonna go soon, she's wrecking my sleep!)

____________________

douglasq:

LOL!

  • 5 votes
#1.6 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:55 PM EST
TheJonesGirl

I have never enjoyed sharing a bed with another. I like to spread out and toss and turn a lot.

Same here. I can barely deal with my cats in bed next to me!

  • 3 votes
#1.7 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:50 PM EST
nearing

luckily, my cat rolls with the flow. :~)

  • 4 votes
#1.8 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:13 PM EST
TheJonesGirl

So do mine--well, up until about 5AM, when they feel I should get up with them--but I still have a moment of guilt for moving them. They just look so cozy and comfie!

  • 5 votes
#1.9 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:34 PM EST
nearing

Get over that guilt! They will go back to sleep the moment you leave the house, girl!

  • 2 votes
#1.10 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:54 PM EST
scar_tissue

I kind of like the 3 separate BRs thing....but how would you know if nooky was on board w/o prior notice?

  • 1 vote
#1.11 - Wed Feb 17, 2010 1:59 AM EST
nearing

make a date!

  • 1 vote
#1.12 - Wed Feb 17, 2010 3:12 AM EST
Reply
Walk'n Dead

The minute he started snoring I headed to the other room.

I have had cuddlers...fine but I'm a small gal and have actually been smooshed between him and the bed...and woke up trying to move dead weight off me. The sleep deprivation does get to me. So if you are a heavy sleeper and snore...even if we start out cuddling when you go to sleep...don't expect me to be next to you in the morning...unless I woke up before you and want a little before I start my day.

  • 4 votes
Reply#2 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:08 PM EST
nearing

I don't like cuddlers.

They should man-up and move over or better yet, get out.

Am I being insensitive?

Too bad.

  • 2 votes
#2.1 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:39 PM EST
Walk'n Dead

I'm ok with cuddling when I want to...spooning fine...suffocating me...NO. I find the guys who were suffocating when they cuddle/sleep...were also jealous possessive outside the bedroom. Showing affection is one thing...showing possession is completely another. Wonder if there is any connection to that??? Who knows?

I think relationships need to be flexible and not have any set rules/expectations that neither can live up to.

  • 4 votes
#2.2 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:53 PM EST
Reply
Betsy 1056

My parents have been married for 45 years and have had separate bedrooms for at least 20 years. My dad said it was the first time he had his own room in his entire life. They both seem very happy with the situation. My husband thinks it's weird, but hey, they are still married!

  • 6 votes
Reply#3 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:46 PM EST
nearing

My husband thinks it's weird, but hey, they are still married!

There you go.

It's got to add to the desire when you are apart and can think about the other from afar too.

  • 4 votes
#3.1 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 8:25 PM EST
Keep.Cool.My.Babies

It's got to add to the desire when you are apart and can think about the other from afar too.

I agree. Imagine if in the middle of the night you get to feeling a tad bit randy then you get to sneak into their bed, like teenagers, and let the marital bed-games begin. It does add a certain spark, doesn't it?

  • 4 votes
#3.2 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 9:57 PM EST
nearing

Imagine if in the middle of the night you get to feeling a tad bit randy then you get to sneak into their bed, like teenagers, and let the marital bed-games begin. It does add a certain spark, doesn't it?

Heck yes!

  • 3 votes
#3.3 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 10:29 PM EST
Betsy 1056

Ick on my parents "feeling a tad randy", but hopefully they still are! I know they also did the separate beds for snoring issues and a good nights sleep. Grandma7 I apologize for having this discussion!!

  • 5 votes
#3.4 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 11:56 AM EST
nearing

I know how you feel, Betsy.

  • 5 votes
#3.5 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:56 PM EST
Reply
green dolphin street

My wife and I sleep separately and have a better sex life and relationship for it.

You just appreciate each other so much more when you have a little separation.

  • 5 votes
Reply#4 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 8:44 PM EST
nearing

thanks for letting us know a first hand opinion.

I had my hunches, you confirmed.

  • 3 votes
#4.1 - Mon Feb 15, 2010 8:49 PM EST
Reply
tdk022755

About a year ago I moved into my own bedroom. My husband, who I love dearly, and I just have different habits and neither of us was getting any sleep. We both snore so we were waking each other up. Plus, we have a large lab named Luke who snores louder than us both and between the three of us... It was Loud!! Also, I sleep under lots of blankets with the windows open and my husband hates lots of covers. Plus, I go to sleep with the TV on. So I just go to my room with my little weiner dog and we get under the covers and out we go. Happy for everyone.

  • 5 votes
Reply#5 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:15 AM EST
nearing

and hubby gets loud-sleeper, Luke?

hee hee

  • 5 votes
#5.1 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:57 PM EST
Reply
Scourged Byawhore

I was in my 20s when I read that the Brit Royals not only slept in separate beds,but separate bedrooms. Immediately I realized that was not only Cool,but sensible,more natural and much preferable to the 'Merkin and Euro Urban wage slave cultural programming that gave rise to the Full Mattress,then the Queen, for Bomsen,sleeping in wet spots,mouth breathing,snoring,anal venting,drooling and the full panoply of primate bodily charm factors.

Weiner Hot Bun Parking with a handful of Boobage is nice but shouldn't interfere with a good night's sleep. See ya at Breakfast,Hon.

  • 5 votes
Reply#6 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:18 PM EST
nearing

Hahaaaa!!

Thanks for that colorful comment!

anal venting

Can I borrow that?

  • 5 votes
#6.1 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:59 PM EST
Scourged Byawhore

Soitenly.

  • 3 votes
#6.2 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:02 PM EST
Reply
weRdoomed

Maybe it's because I'm only 25, but I like sleeping in the same bed as my husband. We have separate blankets (so we don't hog)....and neither of us cuddle. But I just like seeing his cute face if I wake up in the night.

Sometimes if he snores, I poke him and he stops. And if he doesn't, I'll sometimes sleep in another room so I don't act cranky, but I much prefer sleeping in the same bed....though he may not feel the same!! who knows?

  • 4 votes
Reply#7 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:49 PM EST
nearing

Awwww, you are too adorable.

Maybe you'll change your mind when he grows out of the 'cute' stage and into the 'ear-hair bushier than head hair' stage.

But then, who knows?

  • 6 votes
#7.1 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:01 PM EST
weRdoomed

lol....or if he starts "anal venting" -- that sounds painful and less than cute.

anal venting < cute

:-)

  • 6 votes
#7.2 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:36 PM EST
nearing

definitely less than cute.

  • 5 votes
#7.3 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:57 PM EST
goldminor

Cut his beer ration down.

  • 2 votes
#7.4 - Wed Feb 17, 2010 1:42 AM EST
Reply
Par4TheCourse

It is better to sleep apart, then it is to find yourself bruised and in need of sleep.

  • 3 votes
Reply#8 - Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:01 PM EST
ultra low frequency

i sleep apart from my g/f 4 nights out of 7 (we live in different cities)...but when i go to see her on the weekends, neither of us would dream of sleeping anywhere else...i like my hot bun parking spot and she loves her chest pillow...

  • 3 votes
Reply#9 - Wed Feb 17, 2010 12:59 AM EST
nearing

well, that's kind of a the best of both worlds.

  • 3 votes
#9.1 - Wed Feb 17, 2010 1:14 AM EST
Reply
scar_tissue

I love that my SO travels frequently for work during the wk....snores at high volume & owns no pajamas. Sticky in summer to say the least, & damn cold feet in winter! Did I mention the noise? Welcome to the Marriott, & TYVM for 3-4 nights of blissful silence!

Yknow what's worse than a cuddler? A man who expects the woman to do the cuddling!

  • 3 votes
Reply#10 - Wed Feb 17, 2010 2:05 AM EST
nearing

A man who expects the woman to do the cuddling!

Oh hell!

  • 3 votes
#10.1 - Wed Feb 17, 2010 3:13 AM EST
Reply
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